Showing posts with label mum. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mum. Show all posts

Friday, 10 April 2015

An Inferno Of Literature


Another Novel Idea so Please let me know what you think of this prologue: 

Lies are bitter things. Pellets of piercing, malign malice. As a child, lies were petty and insignificant; lies about a square of chocolate or a Crayola star on the magnolia walls. In the years betwixt ages I considered them just as inferior to other principles of life. In the hazy fun, the seemingly endless summers of young adolescence lies were as everything else was. Non-existent. That was until I was old enough to understand. Old enough to comprehend. I knew that things had happened as I grew up, but never why. Not until I understood lies. You see, lies are these interesting creatures; brimming with enmity and lust for sanity. You don’t see them at first, latching onto your shoulders or burrowing into the nerves; you only notice once they’ve finished macheting their way into your consciousness and have nested there. When they line your thoughts with ire and your limbs with led. They paint your thoughts with acid and feed you ricin. What would you do, honestly; if lies were the core of your existence, your family? Do you think you’d confront, hide. Kill?

When I was six, my mum built a room of books. A fortress of literature, coiled in there were the distant whispers of the greats; musings of Dickens and mutterings of Tolstoy. She hid away in there. To withdraw from the world. The problem was she took me with her in the reclusion. I was to be the witness to the demise. She was her own judge, jury and executioner and I was merely looking on, through the looking-glass. Utterly paralysed, as we all are in childhood; paralysed by ignorance. Each day was a concatenation of desolate events, each separate and isolated; only interconnected by their fractious pains. She would sit there, a sculptured bird; not the accipitrine creature she used to resemble, no longer a magnificent goshawk circling the skies; anthropomorphic. She was now a finch, desperately flapping her flailing wings in her self-induced twilight. To a six year old, this catatonia was utterly inexplicable. To any other human the misery would have been palpable, but to my immature eyes it was simply odd. A metallic tang at the end of each day, a frost in the air that practically sublimed oxygen to a foil of sea-fog. If nurture is the supposed key to a child’s mental development, perhaps that was the first clue. That growing within a cave of stale narcissism was the first seed to germinate inside me, the first drop of antipathy to flourish.

  

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Through Children's Eyes

Was she breathing?

I couldn't be sure... Her chest was moving, I took that as a good thing. My fingers ached from prodding at her, they burned like acid was slowly ascending up my palms. Mama had told me that number, that number to phone when bad things happened... but what was it? My brain throbbed just trying to recall that fact. 

888?

199?

The searing in my eyes was now controlling me, transforming into a ravenous hysteria that spurted warm tears from deep within my unformed body. 

"Mama?... Wake up mama... please... what about the cinema tomorrow? We were going to see Lion King redigit...redigit...something...Oh mama wake up and tell me what that word was..." 

The words were exploding, crashing together and forming muddles. I sniffled and spluttered, still battling with myself about how to react. The searing that was controlling me felt the need to shut me down, put me on automatic. There was no response in me. No faith. No nothing. I was empty. 

"Mama..." 

Such a familiar word. But now said with such rattling desperation, it was meaningless. With no answers left, no more pleas; I reached to the phone and dialled anything. Any three numbers. My first five attempts were futile, the emotionless answer of the recording sent me shivering. Until finally - somewhere deep in the crevasses of my six-year old subconscious - came a dancing set of numbers. Three happy nines in a line, holding hope on a silver-plated tray. As I dialled I felt that, hope, that I wasn't crawling towards oblivion that I was climbing back up to the clouds. 

"999, what's your emergency?" A soft voice answered. My words suddenly fell from me with a clunk, they landed on the floor with iron weights dressing them. 
"I...uh... Mama...She fell." I choked on them, they weren't real. They were letters I couldn't gather up.
"Okay, I need you to calm down sweetheart and tell me if your mummy is still breathing?" The feather voice answered.
"I think so. Her chest moves." 
"You're being very brave darling, what's your name?" 
"Cassie..." 
"I'm going to send an ambulance right away okay? But I want you to keep talking to me for a while would that be okay Cassie?" The voice was so soft it stroked me as it sang on, I went to kneel beside mama again; keeping the phone clenched in my moist hand. 
"Okay..."

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The first words mama spoke after she woke up were the most perfect formations of letters that had ever caressed my ears. Her voice was as gentle as always, her eyes are alert and full of love. That's what the doctors said happened, her love made her heart go funny. I sometimes think that maybe it was all the love she has for me coiled up in there... But now she keeps her love in a safer part of her heart, it won't make her fall asleep like that again.